Walking Amidst the Wind and Waves

1 Thessalonians 3:2-3 (NIV)

"We sent Timothy, who is our brother and co-worker in God’s service in spreading the gospel of Christ, to strengthen and encourage you in your faith, so that no one would be unsettled by these trials. For you know quite well that we are destined for them."

Storms. They are a guarantee in life. They will come. The question they present is usually "why" (or more often than not, "why me"), however the real question that should be asked is "what for". The greatest significance of storms is their ability to test our response to them. What will we do in the face of uncertainly and fear when we are stripped of our confidence and our faith is shaken?

When we encounter trials it is human nature to be led by our emotions whether it be the loss of a loved one, the end of a relationship, unexpected health problems, financial issues, etc. Whatever it is we are forced to face, there is always an emotion that will rise up immediately to meet us. It can range from an explosion of anger, to a self-protective sense of disbelief, to a "bawling bag of ridiculousness" (as my mother and I have appropriately dubbed it in our odd sense of humor). In all these cases, and a vast many more that I have failed to include, logic is lost amidst a sea of melancholy and disillusionment.

To put flesh to my words, I can empathize with those who have experienced feelings of despair, hopelessness, resentment, bitterness, righteous (or sometimes not so righteous) anger, self-pity, depression, and rejection. However, I think worst of all is the sense of powerlessness that leaves one feeling utterly helpless and alone - the crippling effect that comes from a lack of control in our own life.

My mother, much to her humble objection, possesses an incredible amount of wisdom on the matter. She is a woman who has endured many storms and through both great struggle and God's grace has overcome them. I cannot put in to words how much I admire her faith and wish to imitate it. In turn she has given me the encouragement and practical counsel that inspires me to search for the treasure beyond the circumstances - the potential to grow if I will seek the Lord.

James 1:2-6 (NIV)

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind."

I can attest that storms in our lives are the most powerful tool God can use to draw us close to Him, if we allow them to. If our roots are shallow than how can one stand firm? It is only through faith that our roots will be buried deep so that we are able to withstand the assault of the tempest. If faith is not our response to the situation, it opens the door for other emotions to take hold instead. Bitterness may be the most poisonous of these, as it is like a weed with roots that extend to infect every area of our life. (Ever try to get rid of weeds? They are stubborn and hard to kill, especially if they have been left to grow far too long).

I once had a picture in my mind of a house on a beach - the kind built on stilts so that it's safe from the water. Although it appeared to be built on sand, when the winds came the sand was blown away to reveal a cemented foundation. God reminded me that although I was worried I would not have the strength to endure that particular storm (which felt like a category five hurricane) He gave me the assurance that I had been built on solid foundation (that is God) and I would not fall. (See Matthew 7:24-27).

Joshua 1:5 (NIV)

"No one will be able to stand against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you."

Never have I felt His presence more strongly than when I have cried out to Him in my most desperate of moments (and I've had my share to be sure). In saying that, there have also been times when I have felt as if He has abandoned me - as if His ears have been deaf to my loud cries. However, I have found this to be a convenient lie used to keep us from the truth. After all, if we only lived by what we felt, there would be no need for faith and if I have learned one thing it is that God is always faithful.

James 1:12 (NIV)

"Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him."

Our character is shaped by the way we chose to handle what life throws at us, come what may. I find my greatest reassurance comes from Mark 4:35-41. If the wind and waves obey Him then I need not be afraid. In saying that,  I would be lying if I said it was easy to walk the narrow road of faith, however the only way we can stand victorious on the mountain top is to persevere through the valleys, trusting that God is good regardless of what we think or feel. Every storm I go through is another reminder that I am a "work in progress", but thankfully His grace is sufficient and His power is made perfect in my weakness.

When all is said and done, "I don't want to lose heart. I want to believe..."

- Robert the Bruce (Braveheart)

The Worth of Waiting

While watching television recently a commercial came on for "eHarmony" - a dating website for singles. The line they used to advertise it was, "Why wait for love?" and it caught my attention.

Firstly, I must admit to using eHarmony in the past. Like millions of others I was searching for love and hoping this could be the tool that would allow me to find someone that would end my 'waiting'. Although this does work for some I have determined in my heart that the process I need to go through is different from what is now considered to be the norm.

I have come to realize that waiting is an action word, which may seem like a contradiction since often times we consider it to be a time where nothing is happening. However, its true definition is "to continue as one in expectation", therefore waiting is far from being an inactive process. It is knowing there is something to wait for and being eager for it.

I will admit to not being the most patient of people in many areas of my life (for instance getting annoyed by those who enjoy driving below the speed limit - they seem to always be in front of me at the most inconvenient times, haha). While this may be true, I have come to understand the necessity for patience and perseverance through the many failures and hard lessons I have gone through, which were generally due to a lack of wisdom on my part at the time. While it was pain that could have been avoided, the Lord was able to use what was intended for evil to draw me closer to Him (as He will do the same for you).

What we may consider to be taking slower than molasses in January (in the Canadian prairies that is, haha) is actually the perfect timing of the Lord. For those of us in this season, although we are often unable to see it now, in hindsight will find that everything indeed unfolded exactly the way it was intended to (assuming we're embracing not rejecting God's will in our lives). 

2 Peter 3:9 (ESV)

"The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance."

The Lord revealed to me that waiting is only a delay of the promise meant to ready us for what He has already reserved. (Notice the highlighted words - that means they're important). If He has already prepared and reserved what He has for you and I then waiting is not meant to be a punishment or a tease, but a time of preparation so we are ready when the fulfillment of His promise comes. How horrific would it be if after what seemed to be an endless season of waiting we received our promise only to be crushed by it's weight because we underestimated what it would require of us? (A statement that reflects the rise in divorce rates world-wide).

What I've found is that until each of us has had a personal revelation God is good (regardless of what we see, think or feel) our faith will be shaken when the storms come. And they will come. Although our processes may be different one thing is certain - we need God. Our comfort and happiness are not His main concern - it is the state of our hearts. So instaed of seeing the valley you're in as barren, dry and inescapable ask God to open your eyes so you can see it for what it's truly mean to be; a place of life and intimacy with a God who's jealous for your heart.

For those of us who are single the application of this is obvious, however seasons of waiting come to every one's lives. The wife who longs to be a mother, but is having difficulty conceiving. The man who has a dream in his heart, but all the doors appear tightly closed around him. The couple who is struggling financially and need a breakthrough. What are you waiting for?  What will you do with the time in which you are waiting? Whatever it is, it's worth the wait.

I started this blog talking about love and so I will end it the same way. This is my favorite song right now called "Dancing in the Minefields" by Andrew Peterson. I hope you enjoy it too! (This link may not work for those living in the United States since it's a Canadian link, but you can find it by searching for it on youtube).

To Forgive or Not To Forgive...

Forgiveness. I have conflicting emotions when it comes to this word. I hear a definition of hope, grace, freedom and restoration - all which are so positive and encouraging. It reveals a chance to slough off the shame, guilt and condemnation we carry heavy inside our souls and exchange it for an inner joy and peace! This is an incredible miracle that seems so simple, yet I've come to learn has so many complex layers.

To forgive is to literally release someone of the offense they have committed against you, to pardon them of a debt they owe you, to cease your feelings of resentment towards them, to give up the claims you have against them...have I hit a cord yet? Forgiveness is not easy. It is fully and absolutely letting go of the person or the matter regardless of if you are "in the right" or not.

One of my fatal flaws is having a difficulty of letting go. This can range from cleaning out my closet and giving away an old favorite shirt (because let's face it...even though I did spend a small fortune on it and thought it looked wicked cool on me back in high school I will NEVER wear it again) to the sense of "righteous anger" I feel when I've been cut off in rush hour traffic by some butt head on the freeway who didn't bother to shoulder check before switching lanes! (I will literally carry that sense of injustice around with me all day - not exactly a day enhancer, lol).

All this to say that today the Lord asked me to forgive someone of their "debt" against me. To which I asked the Lord, "How could you possibly want me to forgive someone who I can't afford to forgive?". Instead of giving me a list of "why's" or getting impatient with me for my silly human failings, He lovingly reminded me of The Parable of the Unmerciful Servant.

Matthew 18:21-35 (NIV)

"Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold was brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt. At this the servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.

But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins. He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded. His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.’ But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were outraged and went and told their master everything that had happened.

Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.

This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart."

For me, this was incredibly sobering. In holding the "debt" against the person who owes me I am literally refusing them mercy. However, by my account I am not without sin or imperfection... I am therefore just like the unmerciful servant who had been forgiven much, yet refused to show mercy to another.

Then there was Jesus. A man who came specifically to live and die that I might know the fullness of life and the meaning of true love. Who am I to deserve this? I have been knowingly rebellious, willingly stubborn, and openly prideful. I have cheated. I have lied. I have manipulated. We all have a long list full of the things that we are ashamed of; the moments from our lives that we would prefer to go unnoticed or unremembered. However, nothing is hidden from God. He knows our every indiscretion from thought to deed, yet He chose to hang on a cross. He had the power to remove Himself from the painful situation He found himself in but refused to back down because He loved us more and knew we desperately needed mercy.

Forgiveness. How can I withhold it? My human nature tells me that if I forgive I will never receive justice. Maybe I will never see the "debt" repaid, but in forgiving it I am putting the situation in God's hands and allowing Him to be The Judge. The ironic thing in all of this is that unforgiveness is just a need for control. In withholding it we create for ourselves a false sense of power that causes us to think that we are the judge!

“Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven." (Luke 6:37) When we hold onto the wrongs done to us, then really we're doing ourselves an injustice as we are therefore unable to receive God's forgiveness. Scary thought!

It's comforting to know that God says, "It is mine to avenge; I will repay." (Deut 32:35). I don't get to decide how God dispenses His mercy versus His justice - my job is to trust for Him to do what is right.

This has certainly been a tough cookie for me to swallow! I'm thankful though that He's a GOOD God, a BIG God and that He loves using my imperfections to draw me closer to Him :)

Until next time, stay strong and courageous my friends.

An Introduction to my Life

Welcome friends!

This is the introduction to the ongoing saga that is my life...

If there is one thing I've come to learn it's that life is full of mountains and molehills. Skyscrapers and brick walls. There are times when we stand on the mountain and see ahead, excited for what is on the horizon. Then there are the times in the valley, when it seems as if we are surrounded on all sides. Regardless of the season we find ourselves in, the key is that God always remains GOOD. If you believe that, then all things are possible.

When nothing seems to make sense He is there to supply understanding and grace. Life isn't easy, but I'm thankful that He loves me enough to continue working on my heart, even in my moments of hopelessness and disillusionment.

My hope is that through my transparency others will be encouraged. After all, we all go through highs and lows and it's easier to endure them together than on our own!

Stay tuned for my many upcoming "ah-ha!" moments.